My high-schooler came home from school with steam coming out of her ears. She told a story of a white young man in her class who claimed to contribute equitably on a group project, a claim she (and her other female teammates) fully rejected. When she spoke up, he continued to maintain that he did his fair share, speaking over her multiple times. As she described his behavior, she mentioned that “when he wants my attention, he snaps his fingers at me!”.
My middle-schooler came home from school with a story about her closest friend. The friend was using a single-stall bathroom with a less-than-reliable lock when two boys, upon learning a female was inside, charged through the door. The friend slammed the door shut with their feet just in time. “What would they have done to my friend if they had broken in there?” she asked.
My elementary schooler tried to slip out of the house in the morning with a full face of makeup on. She was confused when I explained that I felt she was a tad young for that presentation.
My youngest child recently began preschool, the place where gender stereotypes are on raging display. She now tells me she wants to wear dresses because “that’s what girls wear”. (Dresses + snowgear = hard morning negotiations for this mama!)
What do these stories have in common? They illuminate patriarchal systems. They highlight just how early oppressive narratives begin and and how pervasive these narratives are within our culture.
Girls should take on more responsibilities but share credit equally with (or less than) their boy counterparts.
Girls words and perceptions hold less value than boys.
Girls should respond promptly to the desires of boys.
Girls wear makeup and dresses, and should look “desirable” and “attractive”.
And worst of all: Girls are prey. Boys are predators.
(Don’t even get me started on the disproportionate prevalence and impact on folks with further marginalized and intersectional identities. Or how these narratives are directly correlated with predatorial behavior and victimization.)
From a parenting perspective, they also beg the questions:
How do we teach our children to be pattern disruptors, recognizing and rejecting these harmful messages?
How do we teach them to respond effectively to these scenarios?
How do we teach them to rewrite new ways of being in the world?
How do we cultivate and curate concepts of liberation and justice within our young peoples’ minds?
If you encounter similar stories as a parent and are at a loss with how to respond, you are not alone! If you grapple with these questions, it shows your deep thinking and reflective nature.
I work with parents and caregivers of all types on myriad issues related to how to align and integrate our values with our parenting. If you seek support and solidarity in parenting approaches, consider a coaching conversation with me. (Fun fact: I offer a free 30-minute consult!)
I would love to dismantle the patriarchy together!
Big love,
Bridget
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