People-pleasers. We all know one, and chances are, we might even be one ourselves.
Here are some quick clues you might be a people-pleaser:
Does saying “no” make you uneasy, as if it implies you are selfish?
Do you find yourself agreeing with others externally, even when you internally disagree?
And here’s the kicker: If someone steps on your foot, do you immediately, without hesitation, say, “I’m so sorry!” and retract your foot reflexively?
People pleasing is pervasive, especially among us feminine souls. With womxn being socialized to “be polite”, “not make waves”, and - perhaps the most egregious - “be ladylike”, how could we possibly avoid the pressure to conform?
Here’s the rub: pleasing everyone is impossible. What’s more is that it often involves choosing between the other person’s pleasure and our own. We swallow our needs, our wants, our opinions, all in favor of pleasing the other.
In my opinion, this sacrificial way of being not only harms the people-pleaser, but harms their relationships. Speaking personally, when I’m interacting with a people-pleaser, it feels like a mind game. I can’t trust when they say yes, I can’t trust when they say no, and when it comes to believing their feedback on something? Forget it!
As Glennon Doyle writes in her book Untamed, “When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”
May we all do something for ourselves today that is full of pleasure and free from guilt. And tomorrow? Rinse and repeat.
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